Stanford CIS

Do I need a JD to enjoy professional football?

By Matthew Margolin on

Defending the cultural relevance of watching sports is the metaphorical equivalent of washing the greenpeace bumper sticker on your Hummer H2 with gasoline sprayed straight from the pump.

No, I don't understand that either.

Regardless, It's my duty to remark on the following.

I believe that fans who sit through an entire NFL game should get college credit in tort law.

First there was "instant" replay. I won't go into the "tuck rule" or other minutiae...the point is they spend airtime _explaining_ rulings.

In other sports, they may review a crucial play using video monitors. But then they judge like this: "no basket," "no goal".

If you hadn't experienced this, picture a poor referee explaining to an international television audience why the play had to be done again because "since the player failed to make a football move with the ball he didn't have possession and therefore the turnover did not take place..."

I'm no lawyer but that is, how do you say, not bulletproof?

And I was a sportswriter! Who loves sports! Exclamation point!

So now this (taken from the NFL's website):

"NFL owners voted 29-3 to limit end-zone demonstrations, including those using props such as Johnson's pylon putt or Terrell Owens ' Sharpie signing; or another Owens specialty, sit ups after a score.

Also banned: Johnson's proposal to a cheerleader on the sideline -- another of his shows last year -- because he got down on one knee and doffed his helmet.

[here's the important part, mm] On the other hand, his "Riverdance" routine, one of last season's highlight film bests, will be OK because he stayed on his feet. That kind of thing is still allowed, as is spiking, dunking or spinning the ball after a TD."

So forget about the showboating, sportsmanship stuff. "The touchdown stands because the plaintiff, I mean player, handed the prop to the offensive receiver. The receiver had his feet on the ground, but when the player stepped aboard the Segway scooter his feet left the ground. The play is a touchdown and Oakland is fined a time out."

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