My older son is in nursery school now. We’d tried him in daycare for a little while, but he used to get sick so often (and infect us) that he was staying home in bed most of the time, so we waited until now to put him in school. He’s transitioning beautifully, but it’s sometimes tricky during drop-off. The trick is not to linger longer than necessary—stay around long enough so the transition isn’t abrupt, but don’t stick around long enough that the mood breaks and he starts to miss you before you’ve gone. It’s always risky to look in through the cutout window in the door to his classroom on the way out: though I love to watch him playing in class--doing puzzles, building legos, sitting in circle time--if he sees me, it’s going to make him really upset as he remembers that I’m leaving him there.
Of course, there is a way to get unlimited access to the classroom, through a virtual window in the door—a webcam. Some parents (on an email listserv, natch) have been talking about putting in a webcam so we can watch the kids play. In some ways, this isn’t any different from looking in through the door: you can see your kids having a good time without the risk that they’ll see you and want to leave their classroom. But, of course, there’s something different about a webcam. It is often used to look over someone’s shoulder, with the implication that they’re doing a shoddy job or at least would be doing a shoddy job if left unmonitored. None of the parents I know feels that way about the teachers—they’re all incredibly responsive—but we feel like we’re missing out. (Maybe it’s we who need help cutting the cord.) Even though there are these two different ways of looking at a webcam—or, rather, two different ways of surreptitiously observing the classroom—it seems like only the mistrustful one dominates.
Is there a way to take the sweet without the bitter? I don’t know. It seems like there would be a way for everyone to feel like we’re participating in a way that makes class better and more joyous. Teachers wouldn’t have to spend as much time explaining what went on in class and could point out behaviors that need reinforcing (or unenforcing) at home. Parents could feel more involved. And kids would benefit from greater consistency between home and school, without feeling like their independence is being challenged. (I wouldn’t propose this if my son weren’t just recently out of diapers—I realize that there comes a time when kids really need to feel that they have some space that’s their own—but our son is too young for that.) The real problem, though, is that it seems impossible to separate a good faith use of the webcam from the use that says “we don’t trust you” or “we’re going to spy on you” to the teachers.