Just rec'd this from Jack Ayer, who got this from a 78-year-old cousin.
"On Monday President Bush said that we can't win the war on terrorism. Yesterday he said that we will win the war on terrorism, but earlier today he predicted a tie." --David Letterman
"Word now is circulating that Republicans are not tipping the hotel staff where they stay. And I'm thinking, Come on folks! Why not spread some of that Halliburton loot around?" --David Letterman
"Earlier this week the Republican party held a reception for black Republicans. Apparently the receptions was a big success. They both showed up." --Conan O'Brien
"In an interview on CNN today President Bush said he remembers John Kerry's anti-war testimony from 1971. And he said talking about it in the campaign is fair game. He remembers it? I thought Bush couldn't remember anything from the '70s." --Jay Leno
"You probably know it's been crazy here in New York City with the convention. We have had naked people in the streets. We have had all-night parties, arrests. And that's just the Bush twins." --David Letterman
"Over 800,000 New Yorkers left during the convention. Boy, Bush really knows how to clear a room, doesn't he? 800,000 people leave town because of the Republican convention. They raise the terror alert in New York to elevated, no New Yorkers leave. A threat by al Qaeda to destroy our financial institution, New Yorkers stand firm. Republicans come to town it's like, Get out of here." --Jay Leno
"Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke tonight at the convention. At first they were planning on having Arnold speak on the same night as President Bush but, then they realized, oh no, the convention interpreter's head would have exploded." --Jay Leno
"The Republican National Convention got underway last night. Or as Democrats call it, Fear Factor. ...Monday's theme was courage. Tuesday's is compassion. And Wednesday and Thursday's themes are gas and oil." --Jay Leno
"Many people in Britain are upset because last night at the convention Giuliani compared President Bush to Winston Churchill. Not only that, President Bush is upset because he has no idea who Winston Churchill is." -Conan O'Brien
"President Bush now says the problems we're having in Iraq are because we won the war too quickly. He says the war was 'a catastrophic success.' He's also calling the economy a 'disastrous achievement.'" --Jay Leno
"The Republican Convention goes on all week, and of course, the highlight will be toward the end of the week. George Bush will show up for one day, you know, just like he did in the National Guard." --David Letterman
"If you are planning on going to the convention, even if you are a delegate, you're going to get frisked, you're going to get patted down, you're going to get groped, and that's just by Arnold Schwarzenegger." --David Letterman
"Our USA team ended up winning 103 medals, although I understand today, a group of Vietnam swift boat veterans came forward to say that a lot of the athletes really didn't earn all their medals." --Jay Leno
"The Republican National Convention is about to start up. President Bush sounds like he's ready. Big interview with him in USA Today. President Bush says, 'I am not going to come in second.' Again." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo." --Bill Maher
"It's now almost certain that terrorists brought down those two Russian airliners ... When president bush was told that terrorists had just crashed two planes, out of habit he didn't move for seven minutes." --Bill Maher
"Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this -- if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble." -- David Letterman